**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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