Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
