I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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