You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
