I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
