So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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