i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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