I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
