I think I won the penis lottery.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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