why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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