I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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