i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
