This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
