A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
