i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
