But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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