please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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