no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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