He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
