Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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