I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
