He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
