The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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