I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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