i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
