dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
