just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
