I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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