I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
