I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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