Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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