She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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