Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
