The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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