16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
