Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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