Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
