my mouth tastes like poor choices
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
