She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Everclear isn't food dammit
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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