why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just pee around me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
