Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drake has all the answers
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
