WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
