I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
