We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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