You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
