I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
