Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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