I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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