i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
babies were throwing up all over the place
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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