I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
